long time
ellis
I have to furgure out a way to tell my parents that i am smoking. I know to most people that there parents would be okay with it becaseu they are above the age and well my parents aren't that way unfortuantly. I have been trying for three years to prove to my parents that i am capable of being the daughter that they can be proud of and now I have to tell them.. The only reason that i have to is becaseu I am given a job which I have to work with my mother and I beleive that it would be easier to tell her to her face instead of her finding out . I think that thats the most responsible thing to do.. Please i need input so write me about it okay.

long time
ellis
Well it has been a very long time since I have wrote in this thing. Alot has happened in that time. I actually grew temperary balls and left Andy. He was so pissed. I think that I did the right thing because a guy just can't do that to me without something happening. So I packed my shit while he was at work and I left. I left him a note and I told his brother to meet him there after work so that he didn't go ape without somebody being there for him.
I think that doing this had to be the hardest thing that I have ever done, but I am glad that it happened because now Andy has realized why I left him. I guess thats a start anyway. I am trying to work things out with him dispite all that has happened between him and I.
Besides all of that fun shit I have moved back home with the rents with the hopes of moving out in a month. But..... that got shot down to when I didn't get the job that was gonna finally make me finacially stable. So I guess it is on the prowl for a desent job again no more whipping ass for me.(nursing home)
I guess that is it for now I don't need to fill in the blanks because then people would know to to much...

long time
ellis
Well it has been a very long time since I have wrote in this thing. Alot has happened in that time. I actually grew temperary balls and left Andy. He was so pissed. I think that I did the right thing because a guy just can't do that to me without something happening. So I packed my shit while he was at work and I left. I left him a note and I told his brother to meet him there after work so that he didn't go ape without somebody being there for him.
I think that doing this had to be the hardest thing that I have ever done, but I am glad that it happened because now Andy has realized why I left him. I guess thats a start anyway. I am trying to work things out with him dispite all that has happened between him and I.
Besides all of that fun shit I have moved back home with the rents with the hopes of moving out in a month. But..... that got shot down to when I didn't get the job that was gonna finally make me finacially stable. So I guess it is on the prowl for a desent job again no more whipping ass for me.(nursing home)
I guess that is it for now I don't need to fill in the blanks because then people would know to to much...

long time
ellis
Well it has been a very long time since I have wrote in this thing. Alot has happened in that time. I actually grew temperary balls and left Andy. He was so pissed. I think that I did the right thing because a guy just can't do that to me without something happening. So I packed my shit while he was at work and I left. I left him a note and I told his brother to meet him there after work so that he didn't go ape without somebody being there for him.
I think that doing this had to be the hardest thing that I have ever done, but I am glad that it happened because now Andy has realized why I left him. I guess thats a start anyway. I am trying to work things out with him dispite all that has happened between him and I.
Besides all of that fun shit I have moved back home with the rents with the hopes of moving out in a month. But..... that got shot down to when I didn't get the job that was gonna finally make me finacially stable. So I guess it is on the prowl for a desent job again no more whipping ass for me.(nursing home)
I guess that is it for now I don't need to fill in the blanks because then people would know to to much...

long time
ellis
Well it has been a very long time since I have wrote in this thing. Alot has happened in that time. I actually grew temperary balls and left Andy. He was so pissed. I think that I did the right thing because a guy just can't do that to me without something happening. So I packed my shit while he was at work and I left. I left him a note and I told his brother to meet him there after work so that he didn't go ape without somebody being there for him.
I think that doing this had to be the hardest thing that I have ever done, but I am glad that it happened because now Andy has realized why I left him. I guess thats a start anyway. I am trying to work things out with him dispite all that has happened between him and I.
Besides all of that fun shit I have moved back home with the rents with the hopes of moving out in a month. But..... that got shot down to when I didn't get the job that was gonna finally make me finacially stable. So I guess it is on the prowl for a desent job again no more whipping ass for me.(nursing home)
I guess that is it for now I don't need to fill in the blanks because then people would know to to much...

long time
ellis
Well it has been a very long time since I have wrote in this thing. Alot has happened in that time. I actually grew temperary balls and left Andy. He was so pissed. I think that I did the right thing because a guy just can't do that to me without something happening. So I packed my shit while he was at work and I left. I left him a note and I told his brother to meet him there after work so that he didn't go ape without somebody being there for him.
I think that doing this had to be the hardest thing that I have ever done, but I am glad that it happened because now Andy has realized why I left him. I guess thats a start anyway. I am trying to work things out with him dispite all that has happened between him and I.
Besides all of that fun shit I have moved back home with the rents with the hopes of moving out in a month. But..... that got shot down to when I didn't get the job that was gonna finally make me finacially stable. So I guess it is on the prowl for a desent job again no more whipping ass for me.(nursing home)
I guess that is it for now I don't need to fill in the blanks because then people would know to to much...

long time
ellis
Well it has been a very long time since I have wrote in this thing. Alot has happened in that time. I actually grew temperary balls and left Andy. He was so pissed. I think that I did the right thing because a guy just can't do that to me without something happening. So I packed my shit while he was at work and I left. I left him a note and I told his brother to meet him there after work so that he didn't go ape without somebody being there for him.
I think that doing this had to be the hardest thing that I have ever done, but I am glad that it happened because now Andy has realized why I left him. I guess thats a start anyway. I am trying to work things out with him dispite all that has happened between him and I.
Besides all of that fun shit I have moved back home with the rents with the hopes of moving out in a month. But..... that got shot down to when I didn't get the job that was gonna finally make me finacially stable. So I guess it is on the prowl for a desent job again no more whipping ass for me.(nursing home)
I guess that is it for now I don't need to fill in the blanks because then people would know to to much...

long time
ellis
Well it has been a very long time since I have wrote in this thing. Alot has happened in that time. I actually grew temperary balls and left Andy. He was so pissed. I think that I did the right thing because a guy just can't do that to me without something happening. So I packed my shit while he was at work and I left. I left him a note and I told his brother to meet him there after work so that he didn't go ape without somebody being there for him.
I think that doing this had to be the hardest thing that I have ever done, but I am glad that it happened because now Andy has realized why I left him. I guess thats a start anyway. I am trying to work things out with him dispite all that has happened between him and I.
Besides all of that fun shit I have moved back home with the rents with the hopes of moving out in a month. But..... that got shot down to when I didn't get the job that was gonna finally make me finacially stable. So I guess it is on the prowl for a desent job again no more whipping ass for me.(nursing home)
I guess that is it for now I don't need to fill in the blanks because then people would know to to much...

puzzled
ellis
I have to furgure out a way to tell my parents that i am smoking. I know to most people that there parents would be okay with it becaseu they are above the age and well my parents aren't that way unfortuantly. I have been trying for three years to prove to my parents that i am capable of being the daughter that they can be proud of and now I have to tell them.. The only reason that i have to is becaseu I am given a job which I have to work with my mother and I beleive that it would be easier to tell her to her face instead of her finding out . I think that thats the most responsible thing to do.. Please i need input so write me about it okay.

stressed
ellis
It has been a very long week. I have been really stressed for many reasons. Volleyball would be the most dramatic. I am playing for HCCC this year and it was a bitch to just get on the team. My knee is holding me back from playing my best and if anyone knows, a athletic gets very frustrated when something brings down there calaber of playing. i try my hardest and it feels like I keep getting more hurt in the long run. I ice it every night and kill it everyday in practice. These f*cking 6hr practices are killing me and my life. i just don't think that I want tp be the athlete that my father and everyone wants me to be. They tell me that am good but that just doesn't make me want to play. I have played since I was in 5th grade thats a very long time and I really don't think that volleyball is that important.
That is one of my delimas lately. College is the next fiasco. I have 18 credits this semester just so I can graduate this spring. Yah graduating at 18 years old is awesome but alot of F*cking pressure. i just don't understand why I put all of this on me. Maybe it is becasue my sister always had the best of everything the grades, the money, everything. But I can't blam it on her just because I can't be like her. I just feel like I have to be better than her to gain any f*cking respect in my family. I have earned alot by going to college early and still handeling my own apartment but it still seems like I am falling short. So I guess in my own way I have to prove to myself that I can do everything and still be the person that everyone wants me to be.
Of course that isn't the end of my problems. i have stress from my family and my boyfriend. Andy told me last night while we were in bed that he thought that I would find a better man that would treat me better and that I would leave him. That came off as he wants me to find someone and leave him. It just seems that everynight we are fighting or he is whining like a two year old. i love him and I thought I proved that by being with him for so long. Byut I guess not. I try to be there for him with work but I have work, volleybal, college, bills along with trying to please everyone. My father is worried about me and he should be I just don't know what to do. A year ago I felt like I had security a place that i could just be me. living her in my apartment is a difficult adventure. It isn't like dad can do everything for me and make sure that I don't f*ck up. It is all on me. I don't know if I am ready for this right now eather.
I guess I just want everyone to understand that I am trying the best that I can and that I just want to be me for a while. The person that always partied and was there for everyone at any time. I am frustrated and it makes me even phisicaly sick sometimes. i just want what every person wants, a chance to f*ck up, the chance to have fun. Basically a chance to live, beccause I haven't had a chance to experience that yet.

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